October is Baby and Pregnancy Loss awareness month. This is my story of pregnancy loss. Click here for Part 1.
Thursday, 19 July 2012
Today I got my official membership to that dreaded club 😦
There really isn’t much to say about it but I thought I’d put this poem that I came across here – a little dedication to my little angel baby…
Friday, 20 July 2012
If I don’t blog I may scream (or end up sobbing for hours in my bed again tonight – either or!) I feel like Facebook is rubbing shit in my face! I log on last night and top of my news feed is this:
Don’t get me wrong, its beautiful and there should be more things like it but I came to Facebook for a distraction, instead there are tears running down my face as I see my own situation in statue form. I scroll down and there are little newborn feet with a quote about the joys of new babies, then beautiful maternity clothes on gorgeous glowing pregnant women. Its a bit much really. So I click on my Facebook mothers group instead and photos of gorgeous pregnant bellies, newborn bundles of joy and beautiful 3D ultrasounds hit me – pow, pow, pow! The ache of jealousy I feel really surprises me. Its not that I’m not happy that they are happy, its that I’m devastated that I am not happy like that too. But I am happy, I love my beautiful daughter and husband and if Pie is the only baby I ever get I will still count myself as very blessed BUT I’d be so much happier if I wasn’t so sad wishing our little baby had stayed stuck and was growing deep within me right now. And its that happiness that I’m jealous of. I’d even take a big dose of morning sickness with a smile on my face (well a smile in my heart maybe – its hard to smile while vomiting!) right now. I hope the sadness and jealousy doesn’t change me for the worse, make me bitter. I just have to remember how blessed I am and take the hurt as a constant reminder of how wonderful every moment as a mummy is. So before I lose my shit and let my miscarriage hulk loose on the world I’m logging off for the night and putting a DVD on – fingers crossed it isn’t filled with all the stuff that Facebook is hurling at me!