Birthday eves…

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.

~ Osho ~

5 years ago I was in labour with my first baby. My entire life was being transformed in those hours, every agonising contraction was gradually changing my entire being and in a few short hours I would become a Mother.

Every single year since then, every single birthday eve, I have cried. I know that I can’t be the only one. But I do wonder which year this will stop. How many years before I build up an immunity? How many birthday eves before I stay dry eyed? I cry on Monkeys birthday eves too. I’m fairly sure my Mum doesn’t tear up on the eve of my birthday every year. I will have to ask her. 

The emotion of birthday eve is so big! The pride when reflecting on the years thats gone by, how our amazing little people have grown and changed and also how they have changed us and our world in that time. But its also the finality, the realisation of how fast time is going by, that we will never again have a 4 year old hug or a 4 year old kiss, read a 4 year old story together. The realisation that when I see her next she will be 5, another year of her fleeting childhood is gone and we are another year closer to her being grown, leaving my arms and my home, of the time coming when I won’t be able to see her each and every day and so every birthday eve my heart breaks just a little.

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My beautiful Rabbit, 5 years old today x

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One thought on “Birthday eves…

  1. Every birthday eve is still felt by me Jodi even though my children are all grown. My heart still remember you all at that beautiful moment we first looked into each other’s eyes and our heart and souls connected in that moment. I love how you have written this post. Love you my first baby the one who changed me forever, the one who taught me real love, fear, pride, and many many emotions. Mum

    Like

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